Another day, another social pariah. I went to Sangita's birthday party tonight, and I got overwhelmed with all the old anxieties. Mostly over school, and my brother. I'm not that comfortable around people I don't know, especially people that give off that air of pseudo-intelligence/superiority. I used to think that it was all social settings that made me choke up, but it's not. I went out just the other night with some people from work, and I had gone there thinking that I would get bored, but it was the complete opposite. Instead, I went to Sangita's party expecting to have a good time, when I didn't. All the questions became too much. I know it showed on my face too, and the only person there that I had any fun with was my other aunt's 19 month old daughter. I know Sangita was mad when I told her that I was going to leave early. I just couldn't stay. But honestly, if she of all people cannot understand why then it's not my problem. It's not even that I have nothing to say to her friends, they look at me as if I'm someone that just wandered in off the streets. The person that people think is friends with someone else in the group, but are too polite to say anything or ask.

A guy from work got fired yesterday. It was completely unwarranted, but not surprising. They were just scrambling for an excuse to do it, and they used the lamest one possible.

Tonight's party was a very embarrassing one though. People singing when they shouldn't have been, people asking questions that were none of their business, and people putting me in charge of shyte that they want done in a specific manner that they never give me instructions for. Well you know what? Fuck that.

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then / after