I can't remember if I've talked about this before, but I've been seeing a shrink for the last few weeks. I've only seen him a few times, and we've talked about the stuff that's gone on in my house, but tomorrow will be the first time that my parents will be there. This will be weird. There are two ways this can go...one: My parents will listen for a change. Or two: he'll say stuff that my parents don't agree with and we'll all go home unhappy and never see him again because he "doesn't understand" (my parents).

I suppose I should feel like I'm risking it all by having this meeting with my parents tomorrow, but it doesn't. I have this expectation that it will be cathartic to discuss everything openly, but I don't think it will be. I think I've tried to do it too many times that now it's become... I don't know... more of a hinderance. I can't really explain why, it's the only word that seems to fit the feeling. I don't want to put blame on anyone, I just want to move on, and I don't understand why I feel immobile. The last thing my parents need is more blame put on them.

Moving on. I went out with the Musketeers again the other night. It wasn't bad, I just felt.. unaccomplished. It also makes me wonder what people about me behind my back. You know, this distrust I have for people is like a bad acid flashback to my youth. It all goes back to my youth. If I knew what an acid flashback was... Les and Tom say I'm paranoid, but I like to think of myself as just cautious. Trusting people too much gets you into trouble. At any rate, we'll see what goes down tomorrow with the shrink. I'm not really expecting much, but it's not my time I'm wasting anywas is it.

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then / after