So Friday night was pretty awesome. I think at least. It felt good to hang out with people that like me, at least I think they liked me. Heh...not even five sentences into this and I'm already at that super self-conscious state. Anyways, there's something nice about being with people that know about all the stuff that's gone on in my life. It's almost relaxing. Sometimes though, I get the feeling that people know there's something that I'm keeping from them. That they know I'm lying about something. But what would I lose if I knew? Probably a lot. At any rate...it confuses me that no one that does know doesn't understand. Like last night, Maryam calls me from out of the blue. But she doesn't talk about what happend at Shelly's party, she only showed up at work to get me to buy stuff for her. Probably for someone else too. It just makes me want to scream. Or cry. I don't know which yet. Not a single word was said about what she'd said to me that night, and what I said afterwards, or how I haven't called her in nearly three months. Three months. Maybe there's nothing to say. Maybe that's her way of telling me, acknowleding that our friendship has changed. She's only interested in me when she wants something, and maybe that's how she's going to keep it. I'm tired of being the one to initiate the conversations about the things that are wrong in my family, or in my relationships. It's very exhausting and makes me feel that no one else cares except me. That it doesn't bother them as much as it bothers me. And if it doesn't bother them as much, maybe they're not the kind of friend I thought they were.

Well back to Friday night. It was Alcohol Appreciation Night - all the fun people were there, and they all brought friends. Good times! On the way over there though, we got mooned by a bunch of guys in a van. I'd never been mooned before!! And it was HAIRY!! UGH. I know that everyone has body hair, but copius amounts in such a place that there really shouldn't be any is just wrong. I could understand a smattering of hair, even a light sprinkle. But to look like a mohair sweater? UGH!

So after the mooning, we got the pub and drank ourselves silly. I was gone after my first drink. How's that for being a cheap drunk? :P I learned a lot from Krystel's friend though. Babies masturbate in the womb, how to cook some vegan recipes, and lots of other stuff I'm sure, which I don't remember due to the alcohol I consumed. Krystel also knew my ex-boyfriend which was really freaky, although I shouldn't be that surprised considering how small my city is. Almost everyone was coupled up though, which at the time I didn't really care about (see: alcohol consumption), but when I sobered up later that night it occurred to me how nice it would be to have had a guy there. A specific guy mind you, not just any old guy. Definately not old....

I can't wait for the next AA Night. Hopefully he will be there too. :)

Fourteen bucks today and I get a new life tomorrow
A new product rejects unhappy momemtns and sorrow
I'll take this one and that one and then some more
I'll use a piece of paper and the almighty pen
Here we go again -- The Hives.

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then / after