Where is the success? Where is it in me? What do I do that makes me different from anyone else? Just because I don't get picked for something that could very well change my life, what does that say about me? It says I couldn't cut it, I'm too ordinary. I'm not special. How much of that is true, because you know to some extent it is.

Sometimes I feel like I'm that special kind of unordinary type of person, but I need validation of it in order to believe it. Where do I go for that?

I want to be remembered. I want to leave an impression. How can I do that, if I haven't got the ability to do so? How do I make myself something I'm not? How do I change myself, in order to be chosen? The sad thing is that I can't. I want that quasi-fame though. I want the challenge.

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then / after