Everyone is doing something. Some are moving, some are travelling, some are staying where they are, which is not where I am. Take Nicole for instance. She's realized what she wants to do. That's a huge step that some 40 year olds I know haven't even taken yet. That's a step, that I think some of my friends including myself, haven't been able to take yet. I'm happy for her, I don't think anyone except her parents could be more glad. And I know whenever I talk about someone, I invariably shift the topic of conversation over to me, but I can't help that, I'm an egomaniac, and I'm not even being funny.

I'm sort of left wondering why aren't I the one travelling, or moving out, or staying where I am to acheive what I want to become. What do I want to do with myself? I think the reason that I don't travel for more than a few days at a time is because I'm afraid that when I come back, no one will be there waiting for me. Or that people wouldn't have noticed I've been gone at all. Which begs the question, have they even noticed me when I'm here at all? It's kind of funny when you think about it, because I'm the last person I would think would be worried about people not being there for me, since I've always considered myself a loner. This is where Nicole comes in. She's my best-friend, and she lives quite far away. Whenever my parents want to go on trips, I always refuse for two reasons, one being because I want to be here when she comes back, second: I'm at a point in my life where if I have a vacation, I want to spend it with my friends doing something fun like a roadtrip, rather than going to Lake Placid with my parents.

The point is, I have no point. I don't know where I belong, and where I don't belong. I have such an array of friends, that I don't know who I am anymore, because I've contorted myself to fit in with them, because I have never been good enough. I want to tbe the one moving, or travelling, I want that familiar sensation of going somewhere strange to wash over me again, because it's exicting and strange, but it's also like putting on an old comfy t-shirt. It suits me. It's the only thing that ever has.

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