I don't want to, but I do.

I try not to, but I do.

The more things change, the more they stay the same. No matter how many times, I think, that I will try to be a part of my brother's and Leslies' life, I don't think I truly will. I believe that so much so, that if there was some big function that you're supposed to invite family and friends to, I don't think that he would mention it to me. I've been bending over backwards trying to make it seem like Leslie is welcome in our familly, but it's hard to do without the help of my parents and even my brother. They could both be a bit more understanding, open-minded, and calm, but I don't think that will happen. There's only so much I can do with no one else even trying, I'm tired of working by myself.

If my brother truly wanted to see things work out with our parents and him, and Leslie, then wouldn't it make sense that there were some effort put out, at the very least by him because in all honesty, this would have been so much easier if he'd just told our parents from the near beginning what was going on.

I could just say fuck it and let them sort it out themselves. I can't do that though. I'm living in this house with 3 other people, all by myself. I'm seeing day in and day out what is going on in each of their heads, by myself. No one else knows them, no one else understands them. No one else cares. And there's only so much you can tell friends (strangers?).

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then / after