I ran into my past today in the form of Elly, a girl I went to highschool with. I was sitting with Jocie near the entrance to the library, and next to Jocies' shoulder were the handicapped buttons to open the double doors. We were waiting for my mother to pick us up, and every time Jocie saw someone walking towards the door, she'd hit the handicapped buttons to open the doors for them. The only reason we found it so hilarious was because we were really bored, and really tired. The first few people sort of laughed at us, even though Jocie was the one doing all the mischief. The last person turned out to be Elly, one of those people that I'd wished I'd have been able to stay friends with after highschool, but didn't because..well..you know. It was very awkward. Neither of us knew what to say to each other, and for two people who used to hug, comfort, and tease each other through highschool, I didn't even know if I should have gotten up to give her a hug. How do you hug someone you haven't laid eyes on in 3 years? I felt sick to my stomach.

Here's my explanation of yesterdays' entry:
Yesterday Jocie called me and asked if I wanted to go to Olivers', because the Engineering frosh students were getting free beer if they wore their frosh shirts. Jocie wasn't going to drink becuase she was driving, and I didn't know anyone but her, so I wasn't going to drink either. Baisically we were going to watch her boyfriend and friends get drunk. At one point, her boyfriend and his friends left us to play games, while we were standing around looking for a place to sit and smoke, I noticed these two guys who kept staring in our general direction. More specifically, Jocies' general direction. Not 2 minutes after we sat down, did those two guys come up to Jocie (us), and start to pick her (us) up. And for the next twenty minutes, I did not exist to anything except my cigarette and ashtray. If you didn't know already, that is probably one of the top reasons I absoloutely detest going anywhere with any of my friends. If I'm not there simply because it's polite to ask if I want to tag along, it's to make everyone else in the group to look better. I'm the purse-holder. Yes. I go to clubs so I can sit, smoke, and be able to watch your purses. That's exactly why I go.

I don't know why the hell I go.

I don't enjoy myself. I don't even enjoy myself when I go anywhere with my friends. It's not because of what they do, it's because of what they cause. They cause second and third glances, doubling back, twenty minute conversations, and ignoring. Without fail, 2 out of these 3 things happen all the time. Why do I still go out? Why do I not go out? I just answered those questions.

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