Did you know that people piss me off? I mean really piss me off. No matter how much you bend over backwards to help them, when they're down in the dumps that they can't even see the light, and you show up to just try and cheer them up, they throw it back in your face as if you're the one who put them there in the first place. I didn't tell anyone to stop going to work, I don't tell people that they're conniving bitches. I do what I have to do to make myself feel happy, to find even a little bit of it where ever I can so that I can keep myself sane. That's my fault too. I don't know if it's because I'm not allowed to do that, or because it's just wrong for me to do that. What I do know is that it's my fault. It always has been, and always will be, and what I have to do in order keep myself alive is to go away. But one requires funds for that don't they. And it's those funds that are scarce, those funds that are so in demand and needed that I can almost taste them. But when I do finally get them, I will have something of my own, I will have my own freedom, more than just a lock on my door.

Heh, sometimes I feel like I talk in riddles. But do you really want to hear the truth? No one does. It's a lie if someone tells you that they do. I probably wouldn't tell you either. I like being obscure sometimes, talking in circles, hoping that people see a similar feeling in what I write to what is going on around them too. Compare and contrast maybe.

But don't you see how it's my fault? How I'm the one to blame for all the pain that everyone is experiencing. If only I were a little more sensitive, and thoughtful, then it would all be different. But I'm not. I'm not sensitive, I'm selfish, and I'm not thoughtful, I'm greedy.

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then / after